Emotions

Wow, what an emotional roller coaster the past several days have been. It's very strange that in the midst of all the joy and happiness there's a whole new batch of anxieties and fears. Today I took the time to complete the most recent round of paperwork for our agency. There's a lot of signing and a little notarizing. One thing I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around is Stanzi's medical report. John and I have to sign it and return it to the agency. I guess that's basically to confirm that we accept the contents of the report. I should mention that it's written in Chinese and it's 5 months old. We could wait until after our pediatric consultation on Tuesday, but I'm not sure that would make me feel any better. I mean, if we find out she's probably not "healthy" would we turn her away and wait for another baby? No. I can say that with absolute certainty, and yet I'm terrified. Maybe it's simply a fear of the unknown. Maybe I'll feel this way until she and I meet in person, but I hope it just fades away as our travel date approaches. Another fear I have is that I'll drop the ball and forget to do something that needs to be done before we can travel. What if we can't leave for China because a required task slipped my mind? Okay, I know that this little fear is much more irrational than worrying about my daughter's health, but it nags at me all day. Maybe the holidays will take my mind off of the worries and accentuate the shear thrill of having a baby. With that in mind I'm posting one of the other photos we have of Stanzi. Is she adorable, or what?